It is almost impossible to describe that feeling. You have to experience to get the full force, semi-truck to the heart, explosion, that I felt...but I thought I just had to try.
If, for no other reason, than to have it recorded for the one person that made me feel this way.
Randy was sitting right next to me when the floodgates opened. This wasn't the first ultrasound I've had...and it won't be the last, but, for this pregnancy at least, it was totally, unexpectedly, amazing.
Ever since I found out I was pregnant for the 4th time...shock and awe was an understatement. There's been so many emotions, but the pure, utter, miracle of the child growing within me somehow never sunk in. Maybe it was because it's the 4th time around.
Maybe it's because it's hard to focus on a baby that is in my belly when there are 3 other ones in my arms more often than not.
But, for whatever reason, something was missing. I didn't even realize it until it no longer was.
At 20 weeks, I had the run-of-mill ultrasound. Everything looked good. Baby was healthy, active, growing on schedule. Too busy in there to pause for a good pic, but all signs were positive.
A few days ago, we had another ultrasound (again, due to Samantha's small size in my 1st pregnancy this is SOP for me). This time, Daddy came too! A RARE treat for us. He hasn't been to an ultrasound since Pregnancy #1 because of work schedules.
It started off with Baby in the Breach position, but within 2 minutes, he/she was already flipped around. It's always nice to have visual conformation that my children are crazy movers and shakers in the womb. I feel it constantly....but until the Ultrasound Tech is actually full-out laughing at the kid, I guess no one really can believe that you have a miniature, kick-boxing, gymnast in your tummy. Nice for Daddy to know what you're dealing with too ;) All-in-all, the ultrasound was going about the same way it did 10 weeks ago...
And then there was that face....
Smushed up against my placenta at first, but even then I could see the furrowed eyebrows: Daddy's scowl. I started laughing and brought everyone's attention to it....of course, Randy denied it. Said it was just because Baby's face was pressed up against something.....and just like that, Baby turned to look at us....Scowl still in check.
Plump little cheeks.
Mouth opening and closing ever so slightly....
and I LOST IT.
The only thing I can compare it to is seeing your baby for the first time after they are born. When they place baby on your chest, and they open their tiny little eyes to look at Mama for the very first time....
Oh the tears just didn't stop.
I don't think I ever had this powerful of a connecting moment pre-birth before. I know I did when they were all born....but woah....I was not expecting that.
I CAN NOT WAIT to meet this little one in the flesh.